April is Sexual Assault Month

This is the final part in a four-part series focusing on violence against women - and men - detailing the work of RAVE, Relief After Violent Encounter.

Dating assault: warning signs
Date rape and assault: teens are not immune to violence

By Rhonda Westfall

A growing willingness by society in general to acknowledge the prevalence of sexual assault and domestic violence is creating an increased awareness about the issue, and thereby is expanding the resources and services that can help individuals emerge from the shadows.

Until the past few years, however, specific types of assaults endured by teenagers and young adults have remained pretty much shrouded - date rape and dating violence.

Countless studies done in the aftermath of Columbine bear testimony to increasing levels of violence by youth at ever-younger ages. Available data on date rape and dating assault appears to mirror that unhealthy trend.

• 56 percent of teens reported having been raped by a date.
• 78 percent of those did not tell their parents about the rape.
• 71 percent did tell a teenage friend.
• Estimates are one in three girls will have an abusive dating experience by the time they graduate from high school.
• 33 percent of college freshmen reported being date raped at least once.

Those are pretty frightening statistics - which all too often go unheeded, and therefore, help to perpetuate the cycle of violence.

"Dating violence has always been a part of society - we all can probably think back to our own high school years and recall girls who were mistreated by their boyfriends," says Beth Morrison, director of Relief After Violent Encounter for Clinton, Shiawassee, Ionia, and Montcalm counties.

"But, I believe it has increased - and at younger ages."

Part of the problem in working with youth are the mixed signals that society sends about condoning increased levels of violence.

"Physically pushing a girlfriend around or putting her down verbally isn't seen as being abusive," Morrison says. "A big part of what we need to do first is simply educate young people - help them understand that type of behavior is not acceptable and get them to see it's not 'love'."

A positive step in the education process is the 'conflict-resolution' programming which is used in varying degrees by school districts. While the programs are beneficial in helping youth work through situations involving conflict, Morrison says recent studies have shown them to be ineffective in addressing violence between teenage partners.

"If we look at adult batterers, the inability to resolve conflict is not 'why' men batter their partners," she says. "Many batterers are very adept at resolving conflict in the work place and in social settings, yet they are abusive to their partners and possibly their children.

"To truly address the root of domestic and sexual violence, prevention programs must deal with the societal belief of men's domination and superiority over women and look at and address gender-role expectations."

That being said, Morrison is quick to note that while the bulk of assaultive behavior among teen couples involves boys as the batterers, girls are not immune to demonstrating violent behavior.

"It's a much smaller percentage," Morrison says of teenage girls who are abusive toward their boyfriends, "but it does happen - and there does seem to be an increasing trend toward assaultive behavior in general by younger and younger girls."

One of RAVE's future goals is to develop joint partnerships with school districts that meshes existing conflict-resolution programs with information on date rape and dating violence. The organization has a number of presentations which can be customized to fit a variety of school-age levels, and are also appropriate for use by youth groups like churches and scouts.

"Education is a key to eliminating and effectively impacting the cycle of violence," Morrison says.

Dating assault: warning signs

The following information on potential warning signs of teenage dating violence is taken from "But I Love Him," by Dr. Jill Murray.

• Girl had more friends prior to starting her relationship with her boyfriend
• Grades have declined.
• Before dating him, she was more outgoing and involved with family and other outside activities.
• Frequently cries or is very sad
• If he pages or calls her, she must return the call immediately.
• He told her very early in the relationship that he loved her.
• He is jealous of any interactions with any other boys.
• He accuses her of behavior she doesn't actually engage in.
• He is aggressive in other areas of his life
• He frequently roughhouses or play wrestles with her
• She makes excuses for his poor behavior or says it's her fault
• He has a had an abusive and/or alcoholic home life
• He calls her demeaning names.
• She has become more secretive
• She has recently become very critical of her appearance, talents or abilities
• She frequently has to explain herself to her boyfriend or often says she is sorry
• She has bruises she cannot explain or appears nervous about explaining them.